WORDS

So I am a big believer that the words we use, influence our thoughts, and our thoughts, well they influence our actions. words --> thoughts --> actions.

Nothing really magical there - I don’t claim to have solved any world crisis by coming up with the formula. However, I do wonder, if that is true (which I think it is) then why do we choose to use so many words that negatively influence our thoughts leading to negative actions?

Examples you ask?

• Why do we talk about our college aged females as “girls” and then wonder why so many of these individuals are not treated as “women?”

• Why do we talk about our fraternal organizations which are centered around challenging members to live authentically by the values of scholarship, citizenship and leadership as “houses” and then wonder why so many people think we are nothing more than brick and mortar where people buy their friends?

• Why do we talk about our collective chapters at OSU as a “system” and then wonder why we don’t have a strong “community?”

• Why do we talk about the alcoholic parties we have on Friday nights as “socials” and then wonder why so many people think that by being “social fraternities” all we do is drink?

• Why do we talk about the 8 IFC executive officers as “IFC,” and then wonder why IFC chapters thinks “IFC makes the rules, and we are here to rebel against them,” when those chapters were in reality the ones who made the rules?
  

Instead...

Why don’t we talk about college aged females as “women?” And our “guys” as “men?”

Why don’t we talk about our fraternal values based organizations as “chapters?”

Why don’t we talk about our collective chapters as a “community?”

Why don’t we talk make a distinction between alcoholic parties and “socials?” ( hint: “social” does not equal “alcohol”)

Why don’t we talk about the “executive officers” as the “executive officers” and IFC (hint: IFC = every member of every IFC chapter) as “IFC” (and this applies to all councils...)

And my biggest pet peeve...

Why do we talk about ourselves as “Greek?” I don’t know about you, but I’m not from Greece, and I have no Greek heritage. None of my great grandparents are from Greece (that I know off), and I really have no interest in claiming Greek heritage. And I have no interest in being associated with what people think of when they think of the TV show “Greek” or what people think of when they talk about “Greeks” on our college campuses.

I am a member of a Fraternity. I am a Fraternity man. And I want people to think of me when they talk about “Fraternity.” Not when they talk about “Greek.” And I don't want to claim Greek when there really are people out there from Greece who are truly "Greek."

I think of two very different things when I think of “Greek” and of “Fraternity/Sorority.”

So I know your saying right about now “Comon Tyler, its just words. Whats the big deal?”

And I would say: “Exactly. It is just a word. And one word is all it takes to influence one thought. Words are very powerful things”

So next time you find yourself saying “girl,” “house,” “social,” “system,” or “Greek,” take a few seconds to ask yourself “is the word I’m about to use going to influence someone’s thoughts in a way that will only perpetuate the perceptions we are fighting so hard to end?”

And if you do end up using one of those words in front of me, don’t be surprised if you hear me say “what did you just say?”

VALUES: My 7 Stages

So, I think I mentioned this in my previous post, but, it wasn't until I joined a fraternity that I really began to think about what my values are. Prior to joining a fraternity, I had not really given this whole "value" thing much thought.

Since my Fraternity debut 6 years ago, I've had, well, almost 6 years to start thinking about my values. And it wasn't even my initiation or simple involvement within the fraternity that got me thinking about values. It actually wasn't until I attend my first fraternity leadership conference that I was told, "hey, PS, btw, you just joined a values-oriented organization. Oh, and btw, thats what this organization is all about: values."

And even at that first leadership conference where the small-print disclaimer finally arouse, I was still skeptical. What does THAT exactly mean? "Values-oriented" organization? That sound fancy, confusing, and weird.

Fast forward 6 years, and, well, I'm finally starting to understand what that means. But my comprehension of it, is not something that happened overnight. Nor should it.

Rather, it should be more of a journey... my journey looked something like this:

Stage 1: They are telling me this is a values-oriented organization. That sounds like a cool term. Not sure what it means.

Stage 2: Oh... that means that this Fraternity is all about values - thats why we exist. And my job as a member of this fraternity is to live by these values and help promote these values and center my life around these 3 values of my Fraternity: Cultivation of Intellect, Unsullied Friendship & Unfaltering Fidelity.

Stage 3: Wait. What about my own values? Just because I joined a fraternity that means I gave up all right to be my own person? Can't I have my own values... in addition to my fraternities values? As long as my own values are still in-line with my Fraternity's values? I kind of want to be a Beta, AND Tyler Blair. Is that possible? Or because I'm a Beta, does that mean that Beta's values are my exclusive values?

Stage 4: Yep. My questions are right. I am still allowed to be my own person and I SHOULD in fact have my own values (in addition to my Fraternity values). As long as they don't contradict my own values, in order to be my own person, I need to start figuring out what MY values are.

Stage 5: Crap. What ARE my values?

Stage 6: Ok... I think I know what my values are...for the time being at least. They are:

1. LEARNING: I define learning as the life-long journey of gaining new perspectives through experience. I choose to live my life with a focus around learning because I don't think I know everything there is to know. Without knowing everything there is to know, my level of creativity will be limited.

2. CREATIVITY: I define creativity as doing what has never done before. I choose to live my life with a focus around creativity because I believe that nothing great can ever happen without doing what has never been done before. You can't solve the world's problems and practice active citizenship, without trying what hasn't been done before.

3. CITIZENSHIP: I define citizenship as the responsibility we all have to make the World a better place. I choose to live my life with a focus around citizenship because I believe that everything I do should be done with the goal of improving our collective lives. If not...whats the point?

4. CONGRUENCE: I define congruence as doing what you say will do. I choose to live my life with a focus around congruence because without doing so, I have no credibility. Without credibility, I have no influence around others. Without influence around others, my citizenship is not very useful.

Stage 7 (sometime in the future):  Hmmm...  maybe its time to change my values a bit. Maybe I'm missing one. Maybe one's not relevant anymore. Maybe I'm not as bought into one as I used to be. Time to re-think these. And thats okay. As long as at the end of the day, I always have values. And that I can always make an argument that they don't counter my Fraternities' values.

Who Are You, and How Do You Want to Change the World?

I have to admit, I feel a bit hypocritical asking a class full of 18,19, and 20 year old college students to "describe" themselves in a blog by answering the question "who are you," when personally, that is a question I, well, hate to be asked myself.

Who am I? Well, I'm Tyler Blair. I'm 25. I work at Ohio State. I'm from Boston. I have a mom, a dad, and two brothers. No pets (bitter subject). I went to school at Denison. And then grad school at Kansas. And now work at Ohio. I like to play soccer.

And 90% of the time, THAT is my answer to the "who are you question."

But over the years, I've started to realize that if that's "who I am" then I'm missing out a lot. So I've tried to improve my answer to that question. And right now, I'm going to try to take that to even the next level. Not yet sure how this is going to work out for me, but, here goes:

I love my job. I always have wanted a dog. My parents hate dogs. I have never had one. I grew up in Boston. I love the Red Sox. I hate the Yankees. I went to Denison. Then I went to Kansas for two years. I have a bachelors degree and a masters degree. I have always valued education. I don't think I'm done with my education, but don't know whats next. Attending the LeaderShape Institute was one of the best things that ever happened to me. So was joining my fraternity. On February 19th, 2005, I took a life long oath to live by the values of Cultivation of the Intellect, Unsullied Friendship, and Unfaltering Fidelity, as objects worthy of the highest aim and associated effort. I try to live by that oath every day. I have days when I do well at it. I have days when I'm okay with it. And I have days when I falter from it. I never thought about values until I joined Beta Theta Pi. Once I joined and made that oath, I started thinking about them. I used to think they were my only values. Since then I have adopted my own core values. My core values are life long learning, creativity, citizenship, and congruence. I like to write. I never used to like to Blog. I think a lot. I also try to listen a lot. But I prefer thinking. My favorite sport is soccer. My favorite TV shows are SVU, House, CSI, Modern Family, Brothers & Sisters and NCIS. I miss LOST. I really have no special talents. Every time I go to a Piano Bar I leave feeling talentless, and realize that I regret not sticking with piano lessons as a kid. I also frequently regret not sticking with Spanish classes throughout high school. But besides that, I try hard to not live my life with regrets. I like to think that every day is a new opportunity. I like food. I like to cook. I think every tooth in my mouth is a sweet tooth. I'm neither Coke nor Pepsi: I don't drink soda. I like making up words. I am pro technology in ever sense of things. Facebook, Twitter, 4Square, YouTube, Flikr, Wikipedia, Google, and every other totally awesome thing there is out there. I'm obsessed with Google. I'm also obsessed with my initials. My first name is not Tyler. It wasn't my choice. I love traveling. Kenya is the coolest place I have ever been to. Ireland, Australia, Turkey, and Italy are on my to-do list. Kenya taught me how lucky and privileged I am. I have a mom, a dad, and two brothers. I love my family, but sometimes wish I was closer to them. DC is my favorite city in the country. I have spent 2 summers working there. I want to live there sometime. I once worked in the U.S. Senate. I suck at spelling, but am awesome at drawing. I grew up on the water. I like to sail. I love to go on boats. Nantucket Island holds a special place in my heart. I miss the water. I have the best job in the world. I love Ohio. I love fraternity. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to work with college students ever day. I love talking about leadership, and think teaching leadership is one of the most rewarding and inspiring thing I could do with my life. Leadership confuses me. I have much more to learn. I wish I had more time to do more things. I want to do more with less. I want to have a bigger impact than what I'm already having. I want to know what my future entails.

And I want to change the world.

I think our world is a great place. I think we live in a very fortunate time. I also think too many of us take too much for granted. I think there needs to be more love and less hate. I think education is the answer to 99.89% of our worlds problems. I think more Americans need college degrees and more countries need more colleges. I also think our world need more fraternities. I think war should be fought with text books, not guns. But I don't want to be the one to lobby in DC. I don't want to be the one to do the research to find a cure. I don't want to be the one to bring the medical supplies to Haiti. I don't want to be the one to run for office. I don't want to be the one that builds the irrigation system.

All I want to do is get other people to want to do that. I want to help young men and women find their passion. I want to help young men and women figure out how they want to change the world. I want more young men and women to feel a purpose. I want more young men and women to feel like they have the power to change things. I want more young men and women to have a Vision. I want more young men and women to lead with integrity. And I want more young men and women to have the resources, confidence, and skills necessary to do all that.

I want more young men and women to see their potential. I want more young men and women to be happy.

I want a world, where every young man and woman begins their adult lives with a purpose; a vision for how our World can be a better place.

And I want every young man and women to act upon that purpose; that vision. And I want our World to get better, as a result of that.

Thats all I want.

And thats who I am. In a nutshell. More or less.